


Until You're Better

by sevtacular



Category: Holby City
Genre: Berena Remix Fic Exchange, Character Analysis, F/F, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 01:57:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20827505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevtacular/pseuds/sevtacular
Summary: Now Serena is through the menopause, she’s determined not to let Bernie feel the same way when her turn comes.





	Until You're Better

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Whatever may come, your heart I will choose.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16635101) by [Sosayweall777](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sosayweall777/pseuds/Sosayweall777). 

> So this is my entry into the Berena Remix Fic Exchange 2019! I was inspired by two of Sosayweall777's magnificent fics: the main one being Whatever may come, your heart I will choose (the fic where Serena is going through menopause) and also Tegan & Sara, which is why this fic's title comes from the lyric "“I like to read to you at night, like to read til you feel better (until you’re better)" from I'll Be Back Someday. This is a bit different to my usual fics but I hope you enjoy it!

When Serena went through the process commonly referred to as ‘the change’ it was awful. Days upon days upon weeks of feeling like Bernie didn’t love her or find her desirable anymore. Now she’s through it, she’s determined not to let Bernie feel the same way when her turn comes.

-

It turns out that Bernie does not go through the menopause gracefully. She’s grumpy and irritable and her mood swings are highly unpredictable. Cam’s jesting queries about why his mother couldn’t have chosen this period to not be around are met with a twenty-minute rant (including threats of being grounded) followed by an hour cuddled up on the sofa with Serena eating raspberry ripple ice cream and weeping. 

For Serena, the menopause was about coming to terms with alterations which needed to be made to her sex life (and really, she thinks, needing more lubrication from a bottle isn’t all that big a deal). For Bernie, the menopause is about coming to terms with her body reaching a definitive biological milestone. And that doesn’t sit right with Bernie, a woman who has spent all her adult life not acting her age.

When she started out, she acted older than her years to push forward and break through the closed, male-dominated ranks of both medicine and the military. Then, as she progressed through her career and time marched on and she divorced Marcus, she spent her time trying to prove that she wasn’t as middle-aged as people might think. She went to the gym, went back to the army, took secondments and placements and jobs in exotic locations all over the world – dashed from one place to another to show how she was still active, agile, not some stereotypical surgeon who had got set in her ways.

Even when she finally returned to the UK to forge a life with Serena, she didn’t like to show her age. Bernie Wolfe doesn’t wear slippers and she doesn’t take the bins out and she doesn’t really see the point in spending half an hour pushing a swing. She certainly doesn’t act like the sort of grandmother (or great auntie) most people think of. That’s not to say she doesn’t love Serena and her family and the life she had because she absolutely does. But she also loves to stay young. Bernie Wolfe might not buy into the pseudoscientific anti-ageing creams and lotions that are seen all over the television, but she does try her damned hardest to keep away the signs of middle age. She’s survived through not one (Afghanistan) but two (Somalia) huge physical traumas – her body is a fighter just as much as she is and she’s not about to let it succumb to age (even if the second explosion is what made her decide to stay in Holby for good rather than seek another global adventure).

Menopause is something Bernie Wolfe had never really thought about. She’d just carried on with her life and all that went with it until suddenly she was having hot flushes and an irregular menstrual pattern and difficulty sleeping month after month after month. In hindsight, Serena had a relatively short period of menopause symptoms. Bernie’s have been going on now for over a year and the more they continue, the more the trauma surgeon seems to deflate a little.

Serena doesn’t really know what she’s supposed to do. She’s been through it herself, but her menopause was different to Bernie’s. Serena knew she was getting older and more wrinkled and her silver hair leaves no question that she’s Guinevere’s grandmother when she takes her on outings. Serena’s always taken her age in her stride. Bernie, on the other hand, has built a professional reputation on being just that bit more athletic than other women of her age. Physically, the menopause is just the same for Bernie. Emotionally, it’s causing the woman to question everything about herself.

-

Serena’s glad that Bernie is back living with her, she really is. They spent far too long being together then living apart then splitting up to really have a proper adult relationship. One where on a free Saturday they’ll go to the park and Serena will push Guinevere on the swings before Bernie spends the afternoon following the girl round the trees and flowerbeds hunting for the most perfect leaves or the prettiest stones. 

It might be hard for her to picture Bernie pushing a swing, but Serena has come to realise that Bernie shows her love in other, more measured ways. A smooth, sand-coloured pebble; holding a cat-shaped umbrella over a small head while the child focuses on picking flowers she’ll go home and spend a rainy afternoon pressing with her; building the ultimate pillow fort under the dining room table for them all to fit themselves into with Guinevere’s favourite storybooks. It might not be the stereotypical things that a grandmother does, but they symbolise Bernie’s love in all the way’s she’s able to give it: from measured to chaotic, just always different, never the same, always with adventure at its heart.

The only problem with Bernie being back living with her is that Serena now has to deal with menopausal Bernie. She loves Bernie fiercely but that isn’t enough to stop the woman’s night sweats and maudlin moods when her body reminds her she’s not as young as she once thought she was. In her desperation, Serena even went to see Fleur to ask if there was anything that could be done for her partner. It was an idea that came from a place of care but not one Bernie appreciated when she found out. Bernie didn’t need drugs and treatments to help her stay young, thank you very much. The menopause is something she’s just got to deal with, she said. Serena’s not sure Bernie’s dealing with it very well at all.

-

Some days aren’t so bad. Weeks can go by where Bernie is her usual self with no menopause-induced moods or sweats or other symptoms. Those weeks, Bernie glows. They perform well in theatre and train junior doctors and, if they’re both in the mood, they’ll spend some very enjoyable evenings in the bedroom. It’s all very normal, all very wonderful. Then Bernie will have a sleepless night and become distant again.

-

The biggest problem, in Serena’s opinion, is one which has always been at the centre of their relationship. Communication. Bernie has never been good at telling people how she feels. She likely never will be very good at it, as much as she’s trying to be better for Serena. But it appears Bernie can’t or won’t bring herself to talk to Serena, to tell her what she needs from her partner whilst her hormones are off balance and she feels older than she’d like to. Serena sighs into her cup of tea as she watches Bernie attempt to cool herself down by fanning her scrub top in and out. If only there was something she could do to make her feel better.

-

In the end, she discovers what Bernie needs quite by accident and it’s almost laughable that she didn’t work it out on her own. They’re having a lazy evening, curled up on the sofa with a fan pointed towards Bernie when Serena asks for Bernie’s opinion on the article she’s reading. As Bernie shuffles closer to her, Serena begins to read out loud the paragraph she’s especially interested in. In a rare display of affection, Bernie snuggles into Serena’s arms and murmurs her thoughts. When Serena begins to rub her palm absently across Bernie’s stomach and back, Bernie stretches like a contented cat and doesn’t move for the remainder of the evening. Serena realises that just as she needed sex with Bernie when she was menopausal to make her feel better, Bernie also needs physical intimacy with Serena to stop her drifting into worrying about her age. But Bernie, for the first time in her life, is actively seeking out the soft domestic kind of intimacy that she has previously shunned in favour of feeling younger than her years. As Serena pulls a blanket over herself and Bernie she smiles. There’ll be a pair of slippers by Bernie’s side of the bed yet.

-

Bernie’s menopause still isn’t ideal (but then, who does have an ideal menopause?) but at least she’s now less prone to verbally lashing out at her colleagues and she’s certainly less melancholy than she was. Serena is pretty sure that this is partly because of their newfound softness. Bernie is finally realising that Serena didn’t fall in love with a big macho army medic and will leave at the first sign of softness Bernie shows. No. Bernie is realising that Serena fell in love with Bernie Wolfe and all of her flaws and foibles. In fact, Serena rather likes reading to Bernie before bed, stroking her hair and her back as the trauma surgeon drifts towards sleep. They’ve been through too much together for Serena to give up now.

-

Jason lets himself in with the key he has for Auntie Serena and Auntie Bernie’s home. Guinevere toddles in after him, her backpack filled with colouring pencils and cuddly toys and story books for her sleepover. She’s very excited because if it doesn’t rain tomorrow morning they’ll go to the park once Grauntie Bernie has taken the bins out. The park means the she’ll get to play on the swings. They’re Guinevere’s favourites, especially when Grauntie Bernie pushes her so high she feels like she’s flying. 

The house is quiet, it’s never usually this quiet. Normally her great aunties greet them at the door with laughter and sometimes even a cookie. She follows her Dad into the sitting room and there they see them, snuggled together on the sofa and snoring softly. They’re wearing soft jumpers and the slippers Guinevere chose them for Christmas (leopard print for Grauntie Serena, fluffy rabbits for Grauntie Bernie). 

Guinevere looks up at her Dad, puts her fingers on her lips and takes her shoes and backpack off. Then she clambers up onto the sofa and burrows her way between two of her most favourite people in the world. Looking back at her Dad she grins so he can see the tooth beginning to push its way through her gums. He smiles and sits on the armchair he always sits on when they visit. The house is soft and still and Guinevere is in no rush to have her food. She’ll wait until her great aunts are ready.

-

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who has been a part of organising and contributing to this wonderful event!


End file.
